“So…I have this dungeon in my apartment, and I have strangers whip me for pleasure.”
Um, what? As the most sexually vanilla person you could imagine, I didn’t even know BDSM existed before Rihanna’s popular song, S&M, a few years ago. Truthfully, the words that suddenly came out of my best friend’s mouth took a little while to process…so, that’s what you’ve been doing this whole time?? Aside from the initial shock of learning that people live and breathe kinky lifestyles, the million questions flowing through my brain mostly revolved around safety and consent. After learning about how the BDSM world works and some time to digest the surplus of information, I started to accept that this was not only part of my friend’s life, but it was her entire life. Although I can’t speak for everyone looking from the outside in on the kinky community, I highly respect it when people are passionate about something, even if it’s being tied up with ropes and having your nipples clamped until you cry.
Now, as a die-hard kinkster or someone who is just dabbling with being a Dom or submissive, you are probably wondering if my introduction to the existence of the BDSM world ever aroused any personal interest in my sex life. The answer is pretty straight forward (kind of like my sex life) – no. It is amazing that people love it, but it’s just not for me. The closest I’ve come to being interested in BDSM is when I read 50 Shades of Grey*. Yes, a disgrace! I understand that this book to kinksters is like Chinese take-out to Chinese people: nothing close to the real thing. Anyways, I did get turned on when reading 50 Shades of Grey and its sequels, but in my very vanilla ways. Maybe it’s the nerd in me, but I was more attached to Christian Grey and the story instead of the sexual scenes. That’s what I use porn for, duh! Perhaps it will spark an interest in the future, but as of now, I have never had the urge to try anything crazier (it’s all relative…) than spontaneously having sex in a public bathroom. I know, I’m wild, right?
Even though I’m not too curious about spicing up my own sex life, I try to be supportive to my friends who are into BDSM. I view it as a hobby, albeit one for mostly behind closed doors (although I understand there’s such a thing called Public Disgrace), and I’d like to think that I don’t judge others based on their interests. Going on a long run or lifting weights gives me pleasure (maybe not that kind of pleasure), but I know that not all of my friends are as passionate as I am about working out. Although it may be more uncomfortable sharing things about sexuality and fetishes, we are all born to be different and to have various interests. That’s what makes us all unique! If you ever need ears or advice from a non-kinkster without judgment, feel free to Ask Us anything. I, as the token vanilla, am here to support you!
Stay tuned for an advice post about how to break the news about your lifestyle to a non-kinky friend or family member!
*Side note: I fully understand that not everyone who is involved in the kink community has suffered through some sort of rough childhood as said best friend and I shared a childhood, and you don’t get more suburban peachy-idyllic than the way we were raised.