Have a question or comment for us? Email us at info@theartofsubmission.com. The AOS Kink Fairy is happy to answer any queries directed her way! Please remember to be polite and sincere in your curiosity, or you just might see the tart side of this sweet submissive!
Question: My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years, and we’re willing to try most stuff. She is currently my mistress, but we switch a lot depending on each other’s moods. We both want a better name for her than Mistress… something more fierce and unique. We’re also looking to be more adventurous but just among ourselves. We’ve tried quite a bit as she was my slave for a long time, and now I am hers. We have bound each other, done edge play, and given forced orgasms. Do you have any suggestions?
Switch Margot: I agree that some of the titles that define our roles in BDSM relationships can feel a little uncomfortable, but luckily there are many to try on for size and always room for new ones. My first kinky partner initially referred to me as his slave, which felt as corny to me as calling him Master. Titles are only as important as you want them to be, but it’s nice to have something that reflects the levels of power exchange in your relationship, that says “you’re Mine” and “I’m Yours,” and that fits like a leather glove when you slip into your subspace or Topspace. My newness to the scene made me settle on something familiar that I’d always been since I was a kid: a puppy. Being a puppy let me be both submissive and playful, to make mistakes and be trained to do better. My partner was my protective mentor, and scary leather belt wielder, so Daddy Dom fit perfectly. Since then I’ve happily been called many things depending on my mood and the chemistry between me and my partners, from slave to Mistress, to just plain pervert when power exchange was equal or nonexistent.
As you look for more adventure, try on different titles and see how they feel. This might also be the key to unlocking new fetishes and activities to enjoy together. My three fierce suggestions are Sadist, Domme, and Mommy. For something unique, you might look to classic literature and history for heroines, Goddesses, villains, monsters, mythological creatures, power objects and symbols. Athena, Chimera, Agate…your willingness to explore is your only boundary.
Let the name you choose, whether it is sadistic or sensual, help guide your headspace. ‘Edge play’ is a super general and super subjective term, and it is an endless source of possibility. Sensory play is a great jumping board if you’re looking to try something new. Make sure your eyes, ears, nose, tongue, and sensitive skin all have something new to explore, or purposely deny them sensation. Play with different levels of power exchange rather than having one ultimate Top and one ultimate bottom, and play with each other’s emotions. There’s shame, jealousy, abjection (my favorite!) and, don’t forget, sense of humor.
Best of luck!
Question: I’m really into BDSM, but my body is very sensitive, making certain positions too much for me to handle. So far, the furthest thing I’ve done is choking; I love it, but how do I get further into BDSM when I can’t even handle certain positions? What other positions could I try besides missionary, doggy style, and cowgirl?
Switch Josephine: Wonderful question! It’s brave for a person to acknowledge a hurdle they’re facing in the bedroom. Exploring ways to maximize your own pleasure, comfort, and growth is extremely healthy too. There are plenty of avenues you can explore that can help alleviate positional discomfort. Consider BDSM as an activity first and foremost, not as sex. Clearly these worlds overlap often in one’s personal life, but not always! You and your partner can explore D/s protocol, strictly or casually, throughout the day. You could try playing around with some different fetishes like puppy play, or you can take a beginners rope class together. Take a trip to a toy shop, ask them questions, pick up some raunchy literature and read it together. Buy a gag and some nipple clamps and try them on together. BDSM is an umbrella term for so many fascinating activities, so try not to put too much pressure on what you’re not physically able to do in bed yet. You’ll get there. I want to present some modifiers for the positions you mentioned. Cowgirl tough on your quads or glutes? Perhaps have your partner sit with their back to the wall, and then you can straddle him with added support and control. Doggy is classic for a reason, but so is spooning. Combine the two for one of the comfiest positions possible – best of both worlds, right? Don’t be fooled by the preconceptions of cuddly romance; this can be just as raunchy as any other. Have your partner put their hand around your neck from this angle or give your bottom some firm spanks. They can always roll you onto your stomach and take you from behind; this can feel better if doggy is stressful on your wrists or back. Plus, there’s the added bonus of having your whole back exposed for some light flogging. I like being bent over a bed or desk for some good old fashioned impact play. This position can also be used for a doggy variation that lets you rest your upper body. Missionary gets a bad reputation in my opinion, then again, I love watching my partner’s face. If you do too, having them blindfold you can be frustrating in the hottest way possible. If you are still feeling some discomfort or can’t quite figure out how to puzzle piece your bodies together, you can consider purchasing a piece of sex furniture. A cushioned wedge is widely loved for many reasons: it’s versatile, soft yet sturdy, and subtle enough to blend in one’s bedroom – something that’s tougher to do with a spanking bench or cage. Please continue to explore, and don’t settle until you find a patient partner committed to your comfort. Unless negotiated otherwise.
Question: What kind of partner would suit me best? I am a switch; I’ve been told by people in the BDSM community that I would be compatible with another switch, but I’m curious to know if my sexuality can be just as compatible with other types of sexuality.
Switch Josephine: Navigating this kinky realm and the many potential partners it contains is exhilarating but may be intimidating at times. What your peers have suggested, that you seek out another switch, may sound obvious or feel intuitive, but it’s certainly not your only option! For many, being a switch is neither an identity nor play style that can be split 50/50. Some questions to ask yourself may be: am I top-leaning or bottom-leaning? What role-play scenarios do I enjoy, and what is my role? What other segments of kink do I identify with? Perhaps I’m also a masochist, a little, or a puppy! Another aspect to consider is how you go about switching. One could exclusively top for a long period of time, while another needs to switch every scene (and maybe multiple times during that scene!). Your play style is inherently fluid, so explore a bit! You may find it helpful to meditate a bit on what precisely you’re looking for in a partner, scene, or any combination thereof. Are you a monogamous person? Generally interested in an exclusive arrangement? If switching is imperative to your average play, partnering with another Switch could be just what you need! However, if you find yourself leaning towards one end of the spectrum, or you know your desires can be deliciously unpredictable, then playing with Tops, Bottoms, and Switches could be just what you need! You might find it helpful to consider what activities interest you more than others. If you’re extremely masochistic, yet also get a thrill dolling out hefty humiliation, playing strictly with a Dom will not do. Perhaps you know another Switch, but humiliation is a hard limit of theirs? This is when it may be wise to seek out a sub to punish! As a fellow switch, I would encourage you to dissect then reassemble your sexuality in the company of other consenting players from every end of the spectrum. This is how we learn, share ideas and perversions, and grow alongside likeminded players. Go forth, negotiate! Your sexuality is compatible on so many levels and exhilarating for that very reason.
Question: I was recently propositioned by a Dom to be the third between him and his sub. I am new to the scene, but I believe that this is something I would like to explore. I am willing to meet with him one-on-one, then give this triumvirate a try, but while I believe I would be perfectly happy being a sub for him in the bedroom, I am very much a Domme in everyday situations. I do not take orders and would actually prefer others to do things for me and submit to me. Would this make me a switch? I would just like to know before going into this. Thanks!
Switch Margot: Some of the slaviest of slaves—which is very official terminology in the kink scene, I promise—command huge amounts of authority and respect among their peers, but they change into another character entirely when they trade in their suit and tie for a collar and butt plug. At their core, I do not think that these individuals would consider themselves switches, because they do not consider their authority a fulfilling form of play. If it excites you to give commands and receive service, then maybe you are a switch! You’re a versatile kink-butterfly, and the identity that you take on will vary from scene to scene.
It’s truly a switch’s burden to have fun as both a sub and a Domme. Be sure that you make clear that the power exchange that you are agreeing to is a temporary one when you negotiate. This Dom already has a primary partner, and in his Domlyness—another completely acceptable piece of vocabulary—he may need to be reminded that the dynamic he has with her is independent of what you agree to as a third. Ideally, she should be included in your scene planning. Knowing her limits and that she is just as excited to play as you are will help avoid some really awkward sleeping arrangements later on.
Question: I am a sub, but my Dom is usually very scared of hurting me. I also have intense urges to tie him up and spank him. My two questions are: how can I show my Dom that I am okay and want more, and how do I approach the topic of switching? We are both fairly new to BDSM and have had very few play scenes, but I want to get more into it. Guidance from people with more knowledge and experience would be greatly appreciated.
Switch Margot: As luck would have it, I’ll be hosting a panel on switching at The Eulenspiegel Society—a non-profit organization for BDSM education and support—in January, which will feature individuals with oodles of knowledge and experience for your learning pleasure. Classes and panels at TES, and munches in your local area are great ways to start meeting likeminded kinksters who are happy to answer your questions. It’s useful to get to know your public scene and find out where you fit in, whether it is at big, public parties or private get togethers. One day, you’ll be the one sharing tips with the newbs.
The more you play together, and the more you talk to others, the more comfortable your Dom will be pushing your physical limits. He’s not just learning new skills such as bondage and impact play, he’s learning new things about your body. You can help by being super vocal: it’s easy to lace information about what’s working and what’s not with moans and sexy whimpers. You’re not being a bad submissive when you ask for adjustments, especially if you tell your Dom what he could do instead to help you take more.
The more experience you get, the easier it will be to talk about switching, too. Tell him that you would love to show him what it feels like when he binds your wrists and explores your body, or ask him what toys and predicaments peak his curiosity and if he would like to try them himself. It may also help him to feel confident as a Top if he knows that there’s nothing harmful in a hard spanking.
Question: My husband and I have been in the BDSM lifestyle for years, and, until recently, all of our experiences were perfect. Then we met a couple that wanted to experiment, and my husband and I decided that we felt open to showing them the kind of play that we enjoy. With the couple’s consent, my husband went ahead and set a mild, but sensual, scene. When he flogged her I wished it was me. I felt depressed, as if I had let my Dom down. I have never experienced sub-drop because my Dom always gives me phenomenal aftercare, so what was it that got me so upset?
Switch Margot: Your near perfect experience of happiness and fulfillment with BDSM and your partner is absolutely astounding. Congratulations on achieving something that not many couples in the kinky or the vanilla world ever come close to. What you are experiencing, however, is plain, old jealousy. It’s an emotion that less fortunately fated pairs feel quite often.
The alternative lifestyle that you and your partner enjoy has probably equipped you with many unique relationship tools, but it does not give you emotional super powers. Being a kinkster does not make you polyamorous or even non-monogamous, and it does not necessarily prepare you to take your private lifestyle public. It is great that you and your partner started out by discussing each other’s interest and comfort in sharing your kink, but the truth is that jealousy hits harder than a 2×4.
I’m sure that ‘jealousy’ is an over-simplification of what you felt during and after the scene. You might also have felt small and insecure and powerless. And maybe a teeny, tiny bit turned on. The emotional masochist in me turns to jello just thinking of how miserable I’d be in your situation, but you do you and I’ll do me while I’m chained to the floor and forced to watch. If you’re not the least bit turned on by that particular situation, it’s not the one for you.
That is not to say that you cannot turn this scene into something that you could enjoy. Maybe it could be less sensual and more educational, with more opportunities for the bottom to switch with his or her partner. It’ll probably be weird for you to see your Dom bottoming for a rope bondage demo, but it’ll be a memorable experience and one that allows you to slowly gauge your interest in public and group play.
Question: Is it possible for me to be unbruisable? When I first got with Daddy, I bruised so easily, and now I come out of heavy impact scenes—we use canes, whips, paddles, and other objects—with minimal bruising. I really miss the deep bruises he used to leave!
Switch Margot: So you look like you got in a car wreck, but every bump gives you flashbacks of your last hot scene. Sometimes bruises are embarrassing, but, if you’re like me, shame is your personal brand of lubrication. Bruises are a bottom’s badge of honor and are awesome for how they feel and look, but your body IS getting more resilient to them.
It can be puzzling, especially if frequent play is juicing up your pain tolerance, and your scenes are getting heavier, not lighter. If you really miss your bruises, it might be necessary for Daddy to put you on a diet, and save your favorite toys for the days that baby has been most nasty. Or most well behaved. Whatever works for you and your dynamic, make it so you crave it.
If having a memento is what’s most important to you, consider going on kinky scavenger hunts together for atypical toys or to collect small prizes that can be given as rewards for outstanding service or scenes that involve tasks or puzzle solving. A locking piece of jewelry or jeweled butt plug can be worn in public without being seen as kinky or being seen at all.
Question: I am a Dom/sadist whose experience is primarily in impact play. I recently began playing with a new submissive, but despite our mutual cravings to give and receive more pain, there is one problem: she is on blood thinners and should avoid bruises. Other than wax play and nipple clamps, how can I safely hurt her?
Switch Margot: Bruises themselves are not necessarily dangerous, so I am assuming that this is more of a question of maintaining vanilla aesthetics than anything. If your partner is super concerned, it is best that she consult a medical professional. (As an aside, many physically demanding activities outside of kink, such as working out, can leave nasty bruises and involve strenuous positions and impact, so she should consider asking to what extent she is fit to pursue these activities too).
Getting back to your question, I will agree that this is a toughie because it cuts out more than just impact play. But if she’s ready and willing, electricity might just be the way to go. Pig prods, cattle prods, and stun guns are all nasty as hell, and on the lighter end of the electric spectrum, you’ve got violet wands and TENS units.
You say that you both desire “more pain” in your scenes, but it might be useful to think in terms of more sensation. What your sub might initially consider minor irritation or discomfort can become majorly hot over the course of a scene. Metal bondage, such as spider gags and hobbles, and a knowledge of stress positions, will be useful additions to your repertoire. Sensory depravation—contrary to its name—will do the same trick.
Keep in mind that higher levels of psychological drama and power exchange will increase sensation, but it might not be what your sub is looking for in your play dynamic. Take care to discuss before your scene, because powerful impressions are not always visible.
Question: I’m looking for different ways to play with water, NOT watersports (G/S). In fact, watersports is not an option. How do I incorporate water into my scene, and where can I see examples of it?
Switch Margot: Water is a versatile tool, and can be utilized in a scene that is sensual or sadistic. Slipping into a warm bath together is much different than forcing someone’s face into a cold, dirty puddle. The soft sound of rainfall can be calming, while the roar of a torrential downfall can set a darker, more fearful tone. Chinese water torture—the sound and sensation of repetitive dripping—might not have much effect in a short scene, but combined with bondage, interrogation, sensory deprivation, or all three, enduring this torture can be a serious challenge.
Remember that these choices—hot vs. cold, soft vs. harsh—affect the moods of both players in a scene, so it is important for the top to determine her goals before she begins. It is also important for her to determine her sub’s history: he might have been a polar bear in a former life, and the touch of ice feels like home more than the bottom of a grave ditch.
Water play and breath play go hand in hand, but this is a form of edge play that both players should seriously discuss before attempting. Be absolutely certain that safe words and signals are clear to both of you and easy to see and make. Understand that dunking and water boarding fall into the realm of fear play, too, and that the psychological sensation of drowning occurs long before the body begins to deteriorate from its effects. The bottom in a dunking scene may be able to hold his breath for three minutes, but when he is not in control of his ability to surface, 30 seconds—or less!—is probably sufficient. Placing a damp cloth over someone’s face in a water boarding scene does not prevent breathing, but it sure makes it difficult. Holding it down forcefully and adding verbal intimidation increases the drama. He is not going to see how much water you use or when you use it, and a little bit goes a long, long way.
Unfortunately, not many examples of water play—that this kinkster knows of—exist that are accessible to those of us without a fully equipped armory and team of trained riggers and assistants. But if water play turns you on, check out Kink.com‘s Water Bondage site. It’s hot stuff, but it’s best to leave this play to the pros.
Question: I’m looking to spice things up with my girlfriend by using restraints. Specifically, I am looking at using a couple of ties (as in the neckware) to tie her wrists towards the corners of her bed so I can tease her body. Any suggestions on how to properly tie my chosen restraints? Or really any suggestions to make her, and mine, experiences better?
Very creative and sexy! The main risks associated with bondage are always unintentionally cutting off circulation, pinching nerves and hurting joints. To avoid this, familiarize yourself with the quick and simple single column tie (video tutorials can be found online). This will prevent the rope, or necktie in this case, from tightening in on itself and cutting off circulation and pinching or burning the skin. This is a great way to start bondage and is a basis for a great deal of more advanced bondage techniques. Make a single column tie around both wrists and ankles, and tie the other end around the bed posts (or if you don’t have bed posts, you can always drill eyehooks and use carabiners as I have in my own bed.) You can also use the necktie as a convenient blindfold or gag. Try using a variety of implements and toys to stimulate your girlfriend, maybe even have her guess what each object is. Experiment with different positions and maybe eventually add a spreader bar. Lastly, as you learn and get more advanced, learn some easy predicament bondage games to keep the spice level high. The possibilities are endless once she is helpless and at your mercy! Make sure to always check in and connect with your partner to make sure both of you guys are having fun:)
Question: My boyfriend and I are looking to try something new. We are not into anything violent or with pain, but we are interested in a hard and bossy Dom. Our fantasies are getting stronger, and we want to be able to open up safely and without being judged since it’s our first time. I saw a couple Artists I liked, and I will most definitely contact them. Is there a higher hourly rate for couples? Also, do Artists have a space we can meet at, or should we arrange a space? Also, I’d like to inquire about how to play with Dom and sub roles lightly, sensually, on a daily basis.
Hi there, new adventurer! We would love to give you more details, but unfortunately, much of it depends on the individual Artist you book. Each is independent and sets her own rates, rules, scenes, as well as location. My best advice is to contact the special ladies that appeal to you, and they can tell you more in detail and present you with options. It would be anyone’s delight and honor to welcome you to this world! As for Part 2 of your question, D/s roles on a daily basis can be a great way to spice things up and have you looking forward to being together! Perhaps the sub in the relationship could greet the Dom when He/She returns from work by kneeling and teasingly disrobing Him/Her. This might lead to the sub giving the Dom a relaxing massage or performing any other type of sensual service that can vary from day to day. A fun game I like to play is to keep track of everything the sub has done “wrong” (for example: forgetting to wash the dishes or not remembering to kiss the Dom goodbye before leaving the house), keeping a list, and the Dom will mete out demerits and delightful punishments every night. Little rituals like these, or like asking permission to use the bathroom, help reinforce the top/bottom dynamics between partners as time goes on. Keep a journal, sign a contract, keep adding/subtracting to it as you guys figure out what works best for you!
Question: I was wondering if you could explain how to get deep bruising without causing severe pain. I had a few sessions with a Dom who was able to get vibrant deep bruises. My current Dom is unable to achieve those same bruises no matter what tool or how intense the session is. Is there a certain technique to getting those deep dark bruises?
This is a tough one! After brainstorming and consulting with the Artists and clients, the general consensus is to use heavy, thuddy instruments in rhythmic strokes, building up in intensity, while keeping the strokes to the same general area for a prolonged period of time. For example, a heavy, but medium-stiff flogger with a lot of weight behind it might do the trick, or a heavy paddle (although that might be too painful depending on your tolerance). Incorporating rope bondage on/near the area of desired bruising might also help since the area will be engorged with blood, and bruising might come easier. Also, you might want to go in a different direction – have you ever tried cupping? Originally a form of Eastern alternative therapy where suction is created by placing suction cups on the skin (sometimes with fire or electricity involved), it’s also a form of sensation play. Deep circular bruises often form without much pain. Perhaps combine that with the thuddy flogger? Remember, the appearance of bruises mean that there was trauma to an area of the body, and there will always be some pain associated with them. Good luck, and play sane and safe!
Question: I’m lucky to know a special woman who is a switch in terms of her personality but always VERY masochistic. She likes canes a lot. She likes to describe herself as a “pain slut” and in role play, she will verbally humiliate me for not being harsh enough. She encourages me to be intense but she makes a good living as a stripper. She’s been sent home because of marks on her legs and ass. How can I give her the kind of experience she craves but be confident that there won’t be any marks after a couple of hours of recovery time?
Some very good ideas come to mind! Submissive Chloe, our own little mark-free pain slut, suggests genital and nipple torture – think stiff clothespins or binder clips, ripped or flogged off; evil sticks (or use rubber bands or chopsticks as flicking devices); hot wax; and clover clamps, perhaps with heavy weights. Electroplay with a violet wand or Eros-tek can also be fun because you can really crank up the intensity without leaving behind marks. My personal favorite suggestion is using the chopsticks as a tongue gag (loop a rubber band around each end of two chopsticks; insert tongue in between) – that way, she can’t give you any sass while you plan your attack! Predicament bondage while testing the limits of her muscles, flexibility and endurance might also push her pain/pleasure buttons. Lastly, try foot torture or bastinado. In addition to caning the bottom of the feet, try getting creative with hardware tools – pinchy pliers, anyone? She will remember that pain long after the scene, perhaps with tender feet while dancing in her high heels. Just remember that every sub is different and might have different tolerance or reactions to different activities – not all pain is good pain. As always, go slow before building up the intensity. Happy torturing!
Question: What is electroplay?
Electroplay, a form of erotic sensation play, involves the use of electricity to sexually stimulate the body. Power devices, such as TENS units, EMS units, and Violet wands, are common sources used to deliver electrical stimulation to one’s muscles and nerves. In BDSM, playing with electricity can be an arousing and kinky way to induce pain on your partner. When using electrodes (where the device makes contact with the body), the sensation will be more painful with drier skin. To experience a more pleasurable stimulation, lubrication should be applied to the electrodes. Along the same lines, smaller electrodes can be used to perceive a more intense sensation of the current. With the complexity of electricity, there are endless ways to create the perfect experience. Because direct contact with electrical stimulation can be dangerous, make sure to thoroughly understand how your device works and all safety information before indulging in electroplay!
Question: I have been asked to incorporate a gesture of submission into the daily greeting of my Dom. Said gesture is to express my desire yet inability to disrobe. It is to be used in public settings, and I am at a loss. Any suggestions?
May I suggest the old-fashioned gesture of kissing her hand gently along with a whispered declaration of your devotion? Or a presentation of her favorite flora to accompany such a greeting? There’s nothing as dashing as a bit of romance to go along with the kink! From romantic to subversive, if you enjoy chastity play, present her with the key to your device as a symbol of her control over your lust. Good luck, and do let us know what you decide on!
Question: What is “power exchange”?
Power exchange is generally defined as the consensual giving and receiving of physical, mental, and or/sexual force. In a BDSM scene or relationship, there are varying degrees of power exchange. Usually described in terms of one person leading and the other following, power exchange ideally combines the desires of both parties to yield the best possible result. The most extreme example is total power exchange, in which one individual in the relationship is given complete responsibility and authority while the other essentially forfeits his or her freedoms. Consensual nonconsent – or, an explicit agreement wherein one partner is given the green light to act as if consent has been relinquished – plays into power exchange as well. Some examples of power exchange scenarios are rape fantasies (wherein one partner has physical power over another), or a Daddy/little girl scene (wherein the Daddy has psychological power over his little girl). No matter how fun the scene, remember that deep trust and communication are essential so that the scene is safe and fulfilling – and hot, too, of course!
Question: I started getting a feeling that I might be a sub about a year ago, so I researched BDSM more thoroughly and everything I read seemed to fit. Thinking about having someone to tell me what to do, to praise me, and to care for me makes me feel warm and safe. I’ve been with my girlfriend for three and a half years. We don’t see each other very often, but we talk almost every day. The one time I felt confident enough to bring up the idea of her telling me what to do (a few weeks ago) she shot me down. She wasn’t mean or anything, but I could tell that she wasn’t comfortable with the thought of it. Don’t get me wrong, I love her and I don’t want for our relationship to end just because she’s not the Domme I want, but I feel lost. I want to know if there’s any way you can think of for me to help soothe my sub side when I need it.
The best advice we can give is to have a thorough heart-to-heart in which you fully disclose how you feel about both your submissive desires and your feelings for your girlfriend. There’s a possibility that there’s a deeper reason (i.e. past trauma) that she seems uncomfortable with the prospect of domming you. If it turns out that she’s just ambivalent or unfamiliar with BDSM in general, then let her know how much it would mean to you for her to try some small task or game that would stimulate your submissive tendencies. It might turn out that she’s more into it than she expected to be! But if she’s staunchly opposed to the whole scenario, consider discussing the possibility of your testing out a scene with a play partner or a professional. This might not seem like an ideal solution, but it could at least help to crystallize your desires and help you realize just how important the sub/Dom dynamic is to you.
Question: What kind of facilities do you offer?
We have a few options for incall facilities, allowing us to make the best match between your desired scene and the ideal location. We offer private apartments for domestic and sensual scenes, as well as dungeons for more hardcore, sadomasochistic ones… and everything in between! Please let us know your preferences so that we can choose just the right facility for your session.
Question: Can you describe how you define light to heavy intensity submission? Thanks!
Great question! Light intensity submission is heavy on teasing and sensuality, but can extend into the realm of playful spankings. Medium intensity tends to be characterized by a lot of spankings and not-overly-sadistic impact play. Generally, this type of submissive can take a caning or flogging, but prefers not to be physically destroyed by the end of the session. Finally, heavy intensity involves more dark, edgy play; the sub has a high pain tolerance and a more masochistic bent than the light to medium intensity subs. Regardless of what each sub labels herself when it comes to intensity, always check with your chosen partner to confirm what they’re comfortable with!
Question: Do you offer male-female-male or male-male-female BDSM/fetish sessions?
We do indeed! Since so many of us are in the scene and have multiple play partners, we can bring our personal Doms/subs in to join the fun! The partners we enlist are people we play with outside of a professional capacity so you are guaranteed the intimate, genuine, and passionate experience you deserve. Some common scenes we offer are: two Doms and one female sub, forced bi fantasies (in which the sub is sensually cajoled into realizing his/her attraction to a player of the same gender…or just acting to please a Master/Mistress), and switching – if you’re looking for a power exchange dynamic. We’re here to bring your fantasies to life, so don’t be shy in disclosing exactly what it is that turns you on. No matter what your preferred scene is, we assure you that we will deliver a session you’ll never forget!
Question: What is G/s?
G/s is top-secret code for “golden showers,” the elegant euphemism for being urinated on. For some, the appeal of receiving this treatment lies in its immediate association with humiliation and degradation; others might connect it with some formative childhood moments. Receiving a partner’s urine is often seen as an extreme form of devotion. According to one study, the primary reasons urine is incorporated into play are that it serves as a “fetishistic object,” is used to humiliate, and/or captures the spirit of a sexual partner. Some of our artists accommodate G/s (on the face or the body, depending on their personal preferences), while others choose not to engage in this activity at all. And remember, urine is sterile when fresh, but B/s (“brown showers,” urine’s scatological equivalent) is not. Keep this in mind when you consider incorporating either shower into your play!
Question: What’s a D/s relationship truly like? I want to know if it’s purely bondage and kneeling at someone’s feet. What should a master truly be like? Can you not be boyfriend and girlfriend if you’re master and pet? What about marriage? Is it superficial to give rings if you already have the collar and key? What are the basics of a contract? Is love involved in a D/s relationship? Is it purely physical? Please help. I’m trying to understand what a master and submissive relationship looks like in the real world outside of a dungeon. What does a couple look like?
-Confused Dominant Mistress
Switch Margot: Well, CDM, a D/s relationship involves as much or as little bondage and kneeling as the participants desire or can physically tolerate. The basis of a relationship between a Dominant and submissive is power exchange. The activities that power exchange couples enjoy together are meant to enhance the feeling of control that one partner has over the other, either literally–with restrictive bondage–or symbolically–with a collar. The goal is to choose fetishes, activities, and tools that allow the Dominant to feel dominant and the submissive to feel submissive. When both of these things happen, a really intimate bond is formed.
This bond will look different for every unique, kinky couple, so it shouldn’t be any surprise that no two Masters look alike either. New Tops in the scene might follow the lead of more experienced players or popular stereotypes, but regardless of how cool they look in the dungeon, they probably won’t feel completely ‘dominant’ until they discover their own style of play and a partner who is eager to accept it. Not every Master wants to be called ‘Oh Most Worshipful One’ 24/7 either, especially in front of, say, her mom and dad or vanilla coworkers. It’s ok for Master and pet to enjoy and share their lives outside of kink together, or for the level of power exchange to ebb and flow depending on mood and context. It’s also ok for relationships to exist in a kinky context only, but both parties should be fully aware of these boundaries and the limitations of the roles they will play in each other’s lives.
For this reason, giving wedding rings as tokens of marriage might not be superficial at all. True D/s relationships vary greatly, from individuals that merely scene together, to life partners who raise a family together. A balance of freedom and fulfillment is needed to achieve a D/s relationship that exists outside of the dungeon, and it can be achieved through a huge amounts of respect and communication. Oddly enough, these are key ingredients for falling in love as well. Romance is honestly not so different on the kinky side!! It just hurts better.