Does Kink Get Old?

On a blustery Friday afternoon not too long ago at all, some of the AoS delegates convened at a coffee shop for some hot beverages and scintillating conversation. The discussion turned to the question of whether or not one can tire of kink (be it personally, professionally, or both). We can probably all recall when BDSM was still a new-fangled, glittering fortress full of those bookcases that are actually secret passageways. Or, to kill the metaphor, I’m sure it’s not difficult for you to recall a time when every spank and slap administered was a thrill, something new and exhilarating in both its novelty and sensation of perversity. Maybe you discovered that scenarios and implements you never thought would turn you on, in fact did. Your ecstasy reached great heights. The feeling of exploring boundaries and fulfilling fantasies with beloved partners both old and new was unparalleled.

For some, I’m sure that the excitement of kink never dies down. Or maybe it dips and fades a bit – akin to writer’s block; we all get burnt out from time to time –  but it never decidedly offs itself. Perhaps when BDSM becomes too routine (whatever that means to each individual), it’s time to reevaluate and analyze what the issue at the heart of the ennui is. When one gets bored of a partner or when complications crop up within a relationship (unrelated to the kink dynamics), it can of course take a toll in the sexual arena. But, of course, not all kink exists solely as a manifestation of a romantic partnership. For some, a fetish is analogous to a life’s focal passion; it’s somewhat enviable that no matter how many spanks this type of individual doles out or how many knots he/she ties, the excitement will not erode.

But the dazzle doesn’t last forever for most of us. Despite the old trope that “if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life,” BDSM being both hobby and career – and thus dominating (pun intended) a major portion of one’s time – can cause burnout. Being passionate about something is never insurance that it will continue to thrill us and drive us forward forever and ever. Our coffee shop roundtable also touched on the fact that for some of us, there will always be some fetish that has yet to be quenched, and this can perpetuate the excitement of kink. However, this unrealized fantasy often remains permanently latent because of its extremeness or taboo. One AoS artist was reluctant to even verbalize her deep-down fantasy for fear of being judged, even though we fancy ourselves “peers.” This is perfectly understandable, though; the further along the voyage we go, the more we find ourselves capable of being attracted to what we once scorned or feared. Hearing ourselves even admit to being drawn to a particularly taboo fetish requires coming to terms with that attraction ourselves. At the very least, these buried fetishes and interests can invigorate our fantasies even if they are never consummated in reality.

The dawning of the New Year is always a good time to re-evaluate where we stand within our relationships and journeys. As for the AoS crew, some ladies are choosing to take some time off to soul search and get in touch with themselves (titter), while another has been recharged by the new experiences 2014 promises. Still others are continuing their journeys without noticing a slack at all. No matter where you are currently in your personal odyssey, there’s hope for us all! May kink live on!

– J

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