With the resurgence of publicity for “Fifty Shades of Grey,” I’ve found myself drawn into numerous discussions about it recently. Since it’s Valentine’s Day, and the movie has just been released (although I have yet to see it), I thought it would be appropriate to say a few things about the issues “Fifty Shades” and erotica in general tend to bring up.
From the point of view of people who engage in BDSM and sex-positivity, the major controversy surrounding the “Fifty Shades” series is that it does not portray BDSM in a positive or accurate way. Its namesake, Christian Grey, is manipulative and abusive, and the scenes portrayed often don’t even touch on the concepts of negotiation or consent. He stalks the heroine and coerces her into doing things she doesn’t feel comfortable with, and then shames her for it, saying that this was what she asked for. Anyone who practices safe, sane, consensual BDSM knows that this is an abominable way to treat one’s partner, and that it looks more like abusive behavior and assault than real BDSM. (Since you’re reading this in the first place, I’m going to assume that you are obviously more interested in exploring the latter; we don’t condone non-consensual violence here.)
The other issue that I and many other practitioners of BDSM have with the series is that BDSM is treated as a mental illness that Christian Grey needs to be “cured” of by, naturally, the heroine. To those of us who find joy in exploring our sexualities through BDSM, this is an extremely hurtful premise. Even if the relationship portrayed in the books were perfectly vanilla, the notion that a romantic partner can serve as a substitute for a therapist is preposterous at best and harmful at worst.
But despite all the problematic stuff contained in the series, when discussing it we must remember that it is a work of erotic fiction. It is not, nor has it ever been marketed as a how-to guide for BDSM or adult relationships. It’s smut—essentially porn that has been written down (rather badly, if I might say so, although I suppose erotica doesn’t have to be well-written to get the job done) and given a somewhat flimsy plot. I trust that the adults who read the series are at least intelligent enough to understand that what they’re reading is fictional, and that if they wish to explore these fantasies in real life, that they will need to do further research on the subject before bombarding their partner with ropes and floggers. (If they don’t have the capacity to distinguish fantasy from reality, then I can only hope they seek qualified professional help.) “Fifty Shades” is a suggestive gateway, not a comprehensive guide.
The most beneficial thing that this series has done has been to turn people on, which was originally its intended purpose. Perhaps most notably, it has done much to make BDSM more mainstream and remove a great deal of the stigma previously associated with it. It has provided people, especially women, who might never have ventured into the realm of BDSM with a new way to explore their sexualities with lessened fear and shame.
As someone who has been consuming erotica for years, I can definitively state that much of it is very problematic when it comes to issues of consent. In fact, I can recall many occasions when the theme of non-consent is purposely explored as an erotic narrative itself. But I get turned on anyway, much as my rational, politically-correct feminist brain might insist that this is unethical. This is especially true of BDSM-themed erotica, even some of the most oft-cited classics: “The Story of O”, “Venus In Furs”, and more or less anything written by the Marquis de Sade being prime examples of very sexy tales that are positively rife with scenes of non-consent. Even the film “Secretary,” which has been often held up as a better alternative to “Fifty Shades” is not without its flaws when portraying consensual BDSM.
You can’t choose what turns you on, but you can choose how you channel your turn-ons into real-life interactions. There is a massive divide between thought and action. I believe creating or consuming erotica may be one of the healthiest methods of exploring one’s fantasies. Fantasizing about abduction and rape isn’t dangerous if the thought of those things actually occurring to you or because of you in real life is abhorrent to you. Fantasies are meant to be exciting and titillating, and dangerous or socially unacceptable situations often invoke both of those feelings.
“Fifty Shades” is only dangerous if you let it be. If you must criticize it for something, let it be for the mediocre writing and bland characters, not the fact that it has done a fabulous job serving its intended purpose—to turn people on, provide them with a healthy dose of escapism, and make them happy.
— By Miranda