If you want to switch in scene, it’s always a good idea to ask. You wouldn’t just shock someone in the balls with a cattle prod without asking, right? Or at least not without making sure that cattle prods are hard limits. Some Tops will always be Tops, and some bottoms will only want to bottom: that’s totally cool! Many factors might make a person not want switch during a scene, even if it is something that they have done in the past or are interested in doing in the future. Even with a willing partner, the mood has to be right.
When switching is involved, you’re always flirting. You’re pushing buttons to see what happens, taking little risks to surprise your partner and yourself. It may not happen, but the potential makes it hot. You both have to want it at the same time, or one of you has to be very, very convincing. It’s easy to think that seduction ends when your partner agrees to play, but that’s just lazy. When seduction ends, so does the fun. Without effort, I’m sad to report, even kinky acts are mechanical.
I love it when switching is fluid. I love waiting for a signal to pounce. I love when switching is a reward for a job well done. I love it when play basically becomes mutual masturbation of the senses and wills. I love Topping for an entire scene, and finding myself bottoming for an entirely different scene hours later. It feels wonderfully perverse to switch roles, to be something else completely for another person. To have a need filled in myself that I fulfilled in someone else. Every time I scene, I whet my own appetite.
When you switch during a scene, realize that your partner is giving little clues as to what he or she wants to receive. When she Tops, pay attention to the way she treats you, and the body parts she touches and toys that she seems most drawn to. Never stop communicating when the tables have turned, but chances are that she’s spelled out a detailed “how to” in getting her rocks off.
Don’t be scared to switch. I love showing off my bruises to my submissives, and surprising my Doms with wicked plots that I have concocted. It reminds them that I’m human and weird. Just like you.