Whether you are exploring BDSM on a whim or want to establish a long-lasting relationship with that special Domme, good etiquette from the start will get you far!
Just like anywhere else in life, first impressions speak loads! A Domme will have many applicants for her time, and an inquiry with good manners, polite language, direct communication and personality will get you noticed. You only get one first impression – don’t waste it! Here are the best tips to help you find your most compatible Domme and how to build a thrilling, long-lasting relationship with her.
Choosing the right Domme for you
• Find a professional Domme: use your common sense to ensure that the Domme you have found is legitimate – a presentable website or ad, consistent pictures and/or videos demonstrating her interests and skills, a clear description of her boundaries and your requirements as her submissive are all great indicators that she is who she says she is and that she takes her Art seriously.
• Look for reviews, references, or referrals: ask around to see if she has a good reputation, contact references if available, and do your own research on review sites and advertising forums.
• Have similar interests: have an idea of what intrigues you, what you’re willing to try, what you won’t try and make sure her interests are fairly similar.
• Don’t be discouraged: if you have a less than stellar experience with one Domme, don’t let that stop you from looking for other Dommes! Remember that everyone is different in their interests, personalities, and skills, so some will be more compatible with you than others.
Establishing first contact and introducing yourself
• Read her website or ad: familiarize yourself with any information that she has shared to avoid asking repetitive questions, and determine if you have any additional questions that haven’t been addressed.
• Determine how to contact the Domme: if she has stated how she prefers to be contacted, make sure you reach out to her that way.
• Make a respectable impression: the way you’re perceived through your email or phone call is the only first impression she will have of you. Ensure that you are professional, courteous, and serious about your inquiry.
• If you are writing her an email, be just as respectable as you’d be if you were writing to an employer. It’s a good idea to start with a greeting by addressing the Domme in a professional manner and to end with a closing (best regards, sincerely, etc.) with your name. Double check spelling and grammar!
• If you are calling her, prepare what you are going to say and ask in advance.
• Make it short but concise: it’s great to be descriptive when introducing yourself, but make sure you’re not telling her your life story! Try to be informative without writing something too lengthy.
Telling her about your interests and limits
• Be direct: don’t be afraid to be forward about what you’re looking for (trust me, she won’t be shocked), but don’t demand that she do things that aren’t of her interest.
• Don’t ask about illegal activities!
• Provide a range of your interests: it could be good to have one major thing that you’re into, but try to brainstorm a few different activities. That way, there’s an overall understanding of the range you may be willing to explore.
• Have an open mind: if you’re not sure what you like, do your research and compile a list of all the activities that may possibly be of interest to you.
• Be honest: make the Domme aware if you’re not positive what you like and what your limits are. There’s nothing to be ashamed of! A good Domme will be able to help you explore and test your boundaries safely and respectably.
How to behave during the first meeting
• Groom yourself: take a shower, trim what needs to be trimmed, put on deodorant, and pop in a mint. Make sure you follow instructions, if any, that the Domme gives you in advance.
• Be prompt: don’t be late! Arrive on time or even a little early. Things happen though, so if you do run into an unavoidable problem that makes you late, contact her ASAP to let her know.
• Be respectful: small things, such as turning your phone off and offering her tribute, will make a big difference.
• Address her appropriately: whether it’s Ma’am, Mistress, Goddess, or Divine Orchestrator of the World, make sure you call her by what she wants you to call her.
• Pay attention: if your Domme goes over your agreement before it all starts, ensure that everything is correct, clarify your safeword, and discuss any changes if necessary.
• Have fun: after all this hard work proving your worthiness as her submissive, lay back and enjoy! If you feel uncomfortable or unable to handle something, don’t forget to use your safeword or speak up.
How to develop a good, long-lasting relationship
• Trust each other: your Domme needs to be able to trust you as her submissive, so be honest about what you like and don’t like, what you can’t handle, and any changes in your preferences. You also need to trust your Domme, especially her ability to play with you in an exciting but safe manner. Trust builds over time so start off slowly and over time, deepening your relationship.
• Communicate clearly: just like in any another successful relationship, communication is key. Be open with each other, and be respectful of each other’s ideas.
• Listen to instructions: be a good submissive by following orders.
• Explore new possibilities: don’t be afraid to be adventurous with your Domme. Contributing novel ideas will strengthen your relationship, while spicing things up.
• Keep a positive attitude: although you may be nervous about trying something new to you, don’t forget this is all for your fun and pleasure. Be optimistic, and don’t give up when things gets a little rough (mentally and physically!
• Don’t pressure her to change her limits.
• Don’t try negotiating her set rates
• If she requests a confirmation call before your meeting, make sure you do it.
• If you need to cancel for an unavoidable reason, notify your Domme as soon as possible.
• Tipping your Domme is a great way to tell her you had a great time.
• Make sure your health and hygiene are in good condition.
• Overall, don’t be hard to work with. This should be an enjoyable experience for both of you!
Now go introduce yourself, and let the fun begin!