Spanking 101

Spanking is hands down (no pun intended) the most popular activity in the world of BDSM. It’s usually the first activity people turn to when they start feeling a little kinky. Why? Well, we could talk about the thrill you feel when pulling a bad girl over your lap for a punishment… We could talk about the dominance you show when you push a woman face first into a bed to slap her ass… but let’s be honest: we like spanking because it’s an excuse to play with butts. And who wouldn’t want an excuse to play with butts? You might want to be a Mega Über Dom, but we all know you’re suppressing a giggle when you see that butt jiggle. This how-to will give you some tips and tricks for prolonging your submissive’s ability to take a spanking and ensure that you get to play with your bottom’s bottom for as long as you like.


Not all body parts are created equal when it comes to spanking, so it’s important to know where to hit. No-Go Zones include: lower back, tailbone, hip bones, and backs of the knees. Hitting these parts doesn’t make you extra evil in the sexy way, it just makes you a jerk because lasting damage can result. You want to leave a mark on her memory, not her medical bill. You can find the tailbone fairly easily: simply run your hand down her spine until you can’t feel any bone. Every butt is different, but your hand should be around the beginning of the crack between her cheeks. I recommend you keep your hand here throughout the spanking until you really get a good handle on your bottom’s (oh so many puns) body structure.

Not So Fun Fact: Alcohol is a blood-thinner, so that glass or two of wine you drank with your submissive to loosen up might undo all your warm up! All those blood cells you sent to the surface of her skin are much more vulnerable to bursting and becoming bruises. But maybe you want to skip the wine anyway since it will impair your aim.

The process of finding her No-Go Zones doesn’t have to be clinical; it can be sexy, sensual, or sadistic. You can run your hand down her back and over her hips as part of the final touches of a massage, soothingly as a respite from some other deliciously cruel activity, or you can drag your nails over her sensitive skin to keep the energy flowing.


Now that you know where not to hit, let’s talk about where to hit and how. One concept you might have heard of is warm up. This is the process of starting slowly with soft slaps or a firm massage on her buttocks. Perhaps even start by spanking her over her undies first before spanking her directly on her skin. Warm up is important because it increases the blood flow in the area you’re about to beat. The blood vessels rushing to the area will create a cushion for the blows, which means you’ll be able to hit your submissive for more time without her experiencing unpleasant discomfort, and she won’t bruise quite as much from a shorter session. You may think it’s sexy to start with heavy wallops, but it’s not so sexy if your bottom can’t take any more after 2 minutes. Remember: you might want your bottom to play hate you, but you don’t want her to really hate you.

Actually Fun Fact: Did you know the clitoris is actually mostly an internal organ? It extends through the labia! This means if you spank a woman right at the crease between her buttocks and her thighs – angling your strike slightly upwards – you can send vibrations right to her clit! Some women can even orgasm from this kind of spanking when it follows some other arousing activity.


So which spot(s) should you be warming up? Any area you intend to hit! You’re probably thinking about the butt cheeks here – maybe the tops of the cheeks, maybe the bottom – but I encourage you to open your mind a little more. Have you thought about the thighs? The back of the thighs and the inner thighs are often very sensitive, so you can get some nice reactions from your submissive when striking these. When spanking, feel free to vary the location and the intensity.

Standard spanking procedure is to slowly increase the intensity from a low warm up to heavy hitting, but it is often good to break up the severe spankings with some medium spanks or massaging. Soft spankings can be boring, but harsh spankings are unsustainable. Consider asking your bottom to use the 1-10 pain scale (1 being hardly anything, 10 being the worst pain ever), and stay in the 5-8 range for the intense portion. Be sure to stay in communication with your submissive. Listen to her reactions and watch her body language. This helps your bottom continue receiving the spanking longer, meaning more time with her butt for you!


Once your fun is over, your job is not yet done. If your submissive’s employment requires her rear end to be on display (say she’s a swimsuit model…or a professional submissive!), or if she has to sit a lot (say she works in an office), it might not be good for her to have extreme bruising on her ass or thighs. Offer her some Arnica cream to rub into the affected areas for the next few days. Better yet, offer to rub it in yourself! Arnica is an ancient herbal anti-bruising medicine available in many natural or health foods stores. If your submissive is a frequent spankee, she may already have some on hand, but it never hurts to offer and it shows her you care!

Which reminds me of aftercare: Aftercare is how partners or players reconnect after intense activity, or how they keep the play going. You might want to cuddle with your submissive and talk about what happened. If your play is over and you’re using aftercare to reconnect you both with reality, tell her what you enjoyed about the play or how much you appreciated her taking the spanking. If your play is still is going or if you want to keep in tip-Top character, talk with her about what she did wrong to deserve the discipline and how you expect much better of your submissive in the future.

I hope you’ve learned something or at least had an informative review. Remember: learning from a page is fun, but practicing with a set of bottoms is even better!

*BDSM can be dangerous and cause injury to yourself and others if not practiced safely. Don’t play hard if you don’t know what you are doing (ie. the likes of electric tools, asphyxiation, bondage, wax play, sensory deprivation and augmentation, etc.). Please do your research and contact a professional (ahem…come visit us!) to learn more before you act!